One of the biggest barriers between teenagers and their parents is the issue of sex. To be more specific, how to talk about sex. It is a problem that afflicts most families with teenagers in them.
Dilys Went, a director of the Brook Advisory Centre, says that barriers between parents and children are often built on teenagers' fear of a lack of confidentiality and parents' insecurity. “Parents don't always feel confident about giving advice or know how to broach the issue of sex,” she says. She feels teachers and school nurses could invite parents to meetings so that they stay in touch with what the school is doing. “If a parent knows their child has seen such and such a sex video, or had a particular discussion, they can pick up on a news headline and say `What do you or your friends feel on that?'”
Dr. Macfarlane suggests that for the older teenager the ideal may be drop-in clinics like those in Sweden, which feature several cozy, low-key rooms, with lots of sofas, making it conducive to sitting down and talking to one another. Running the clinic would be a young counsellor, doctor or family planning nurse, with whom the teenagers would be able to identify.
Oxfordshire already has one small drop-in center run by Karen Harris, a school nurse. She counsels teenagers on a regular weekly basis and they queue up informally to see her. “They are in that limbo stage of not being quite an adult and not being treated as if they are able to make a decision about anything,” she says. “There are five main areas that have been highlighted by the drop-in. The biggest concern is child-parent conflict, the parents' main worries being about drug and alcohol abuse. Parents don't listen enough to what they are saying, what they require of us.
“Some parents are very good and can actually discuss things like body image, going on the Pill, HIV and smear tests. I find when they do talk about them it improves relationships at home.”
One of the most surprising problems that comes up is bed-wetting among 14 and 15-year-olds. As emotional conflict is often the trigger for this problem its solution requires liaison with parents.
The main causes of concern among girls, according to Ms. Harris, are weight problems, how far to go with boyfriends, and “will he still love me if I don't go to bed with him?” Boys are anxious about bullying and HIV.
“Somehow it's considered a bit wimpish for teenage boys to worry about their ailments,” says David Simpson, a specialist in men's sexual health and the training and development officer in the education and training department of the Family Planning Association. He is concerned that family planning and contraception are still seen as a woman's domain. “Boys are not being made aware of their own fertility, you say that word and you think of women.
“A lot of boys' concerns are about body size, when pubic hair starts to grow, chest hair, penis size and whether they are able to perform. I’ve had boys ask me whether they should use penis pumps or penis extenders. I wonder how many parents give any thought to their teenage sons? We need to be looking at ways to assist boys to pay more attention to their physical health as well as to their sexual health.''
Dilys Went, a director of the Brook Advisory Centre, says that barriers between parents and children are often built on teenagers' fear of a lack of confidentiality and parents' insecurity. “Parents don't always feel confident about giving advice or know how to broach the issue of sex,” she says. She feels teachers and school nurses could invite parents to meetings so that they stay in touch with what the school is doing. “If a parent knows their child has seen such and such a sex video, or had a particular discussion, they can pick up on a news headline and say `What do you or your friends feel on that?'”
Dr. Macfarlane suggests that for the older teenager the ideal may be drop-in clinics like those in Sweden, which feature several cozy, low-key rooms, with lots of sofas, making it conducive to sitting down and talking to one another. Running the clinic would be a young counsellor, doctor or family planning nurse, with whom the teenagers would be able to identify.
Oxfordshire already has one small drop-in center run by Karen Harris, a school nurse. She counsels teenagers on a regular weekly basis and they queue up informally to see her. “They are in that limbo stage of not being quite an adult and not being treated as if they are able to make a decision about anything,” she says. “There are five main areas that have been highlighted by the drop-in. The biggest concern is child-parent conflict, the parents' main worries being about drug and alcohol abuse. Parents don't listen enough to what they are saying, what they require of us.
“Some parents are very good and can actually discuss things like body image, going on the Pill, HIV and smear tests. I find when they do talk about them it improves relationships at home.”
One of the most surprising problems that comes up is bed-wetting among 14 and 15-year-olds. As emotional conflict is often the trigger for this problem its solution requires liaison with parents.
The main causes of concern among girls, according to Ms. Harris, are weight problems, how far to go with boyfriends, and “will he still love me if I don't go to bed with him?” Boys are anxious about bullying and HIV.
“Somehow it's considered a bit wimpish for teenage boys to worry about their ailments,” says David Simpson, a specialist in men's sexual health and the training and development officer in the education and training department of the Family Planning Association. He is concerned that family planning and contraception are still seen as a woman's domain. “Boys are not being made aware of their own fertility, you say that word and you think of women.
“A lot of boys' concerns are about body size, when pubic hair starts to grow, chest hair, penis size and whether they are able to perform. I’ve had boys ask me whether they should use penis pumps or penis extenders. I wonder how many parents give any thought to their teenage sons? We need to be looking at ways to assist boys to pay more attention to their physical health as well as to their sexual health.''
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